When a parent or loved one develops dementia, care responsibilities often fall on adult children. While many siblings approach this role with love and commitment, the realities of shared caregiving can lead to tension, emotional strain, and long-term disagreements. The Family Caregiver Alliance offers valuable guidance on how to navigate this complex journey together in their article, “Caregiving with Your Siblings.”
Why Sibling Dynamics Can Make or Break the Care Experience
Even in strong families, caregiving can bring out unresolved conflicts, different expectations, and varying perspectives on what “good care” looks like. Siblings may live far apart, have different financial or emotional capacities, or hold contrasting beliefs about how much support a parent needs - or who should provide it.
This guide reminds readers that resentment builds when responsibilities are uneven or assumed rather than discussed. One sibling might take on the daily, hands-on tasks while another contributes financially or emotionally. The key is recognising that caregiving has many forms - and ideally, all contributions should be valued.
Tips for Sharing Care Without Conflict
The Family Caregiver Alliance outlines several practical ways to manage sibling dynamics and reduce misunderstandings:
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Start early and communicate often. Don’t wait for a crisis to have difficult conversations. Early planning around care goals, finances, and roles can prevent friction later on.
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Define roles based on strengths. One sibling may be more suited to medical coordination, another to legal or financial planning. Not everyone has to do everything.
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Acknowledge and validate feelings. Each sibling will have a different relationship with the parent or loved one - and different emotions around the diagnosis and caregiving journey. Making space for those differences builds trust.
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Set up regular check-ins. Whether via Zoom, text, or in person, consistent communication reduces assumptions and helps maintain alignment as care needs evolve.
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Bring in a neutral third party if needed. Sometimes, a social worker, geriatric care manager, or counselor can help facilitate tough conversations.
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Don’t let old roles dictate new ones. Being “the youngest” or “the reliable one” in childhood doesn’t mean those dynamics should carry over into caregiving. Allow room for each sibling to take on a role that suits them now.
Supporting the Primary Caregiver
Often, one sibling becomes the “default” or primary caregiver. This can lead to burnout - especially if others aren’t stepping up in ways that feel equitable.
The article recommends that non-primary siblings actively look for ways to help, such as taking over weekend care, offering respite support, handling admin tasks, or simply being emotionally present.
Apps like Elli Cares can be especially helpful in these scenarios, offering shared task tracking, safety alerts, and messaging for care teams. This visibility can help all siblings stay informed and engaged, regardless of where they live.
Rebuilding Relationships Through Care
At its best, shared caregiving can become a bonding experience, strengthening family ties and deepening empathy. But this requires honesty, grace, and a shared commitment to the person being cared for - rather than holding onto past grievances.
If siblings can approach caregiving as a team effort - with clearly defined roles, open communication, and mutual respect - it can lead not only to better outcomes for the person with dementia, but also a stronger, more connected family unit.
👉 Read the full article on Family Caregiver Alliance
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